


The Guardians and the Spring Equinox Blowout Sale

by xSweetSlayerx



Series: Creators [2]
Category: Disney - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Major Original Character(s), Original Character(s), Originally Posted on deviantART
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:48:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24806458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSweetSlayerx/pseuds/xSweetSlayerx
Summary: What the hell is this?This story is mostly about a bunch of inside jokes between Imagi77 and I and now our encounters with insane people on the internet.The Azare stuff. I didn't make up. "Azare" herself did. And she believes all of it.
Series: Creators [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793710
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	The Guardians and the Spring Equinox Blowout Sale

It was a dark and chilly night. About 9:45 or so. After years of adversity and divergence, only two guardians walked the darkened lands of the created world. The two women approached the quiet tower of the wizard Yen Sid, a seemingly vacant dwelling.  
  
"Are you sure we should be here? Or doing this at all?" Casey, the guardian of the day asked.  
  
"No. But we're gonna do it anyways," responded Sarah, who was walking in front of her. She walked forward towards the tower with a dark box hidden beneath her arm. However, the way she was holding it seemed as if she didn't even want to be touching it. "I don't like doing any of this, but if we want to contact Darius, this might be our only option, and the tower is the safest place I can imagine performing this."  
  
They met the end of the path and reached the entrance. Out of good manners, Sarah knocked on the door, but immediately went inside. "Old man, are you here?!" her call echoed through the building. So much for good manners.  
  
With no answer, they timidly walked down the hallways. Much had changed since the old days of when the guardians watched over the lands of creation. Things were darker… drearier… almost as if the world was plunged into a perpetual state of melancholy. Casey and Sarah were they only two guardians that remained in the created lands, as the others had left. Casey remained the guardian of the day, while Sarah assumed the title of guardian of the night, as Glacia, the former, had "retired" and disappeared. A new adversary had appeared on the land with a threat to all that existed within it. The two women were not enough to take it on alone. They needed allies. But where to find them in all this gloom?  
  
They made it to the central tower, where Yen Sid performed most of his magic spells.  
  
"Yen Sid isn't here," Casey said in a hushed tone. "We shouldn't do this without him."  
  
"I'd rather he not know about this." Sarah sat in the middle of the floor, placing the box on the ground. "He might try to stop us, and considering we have no other option… I'd rather not have him as an obstacle. … I'm already risking too much, as it is."  
  
Casey didn't answer but simply lit the candles in the room, with her powers. The contents of the box were revealed. This was a cursed item. A Ouija board. Sarah shuddered and seemed to shy away from the unspeakable thing.  
  
"Are you sure it's not just because you want to see _him_ again?" Casey asked as she sat across from Sarah.  
  
Sarah sternly looked at the box and quickly brought herself to open it. "Of course I want to see him again, but do you have any better ideas?"  
  
"No…"  
  
"How else are we supposed to contact a demon? I don't want to try the mirror thing, again."  
  
Sarah and Darius the black blood demon had become long separated. Despite being on good terms, they decided they needed time away from each other, but the separation never seemed to have an ending. Contact was lost between them, and Darius's whereabouts were unknown. He was lost to the land, for all the girls knew. Sarah despised Ouija boards. She knew how dangerous they were, and was absolutely repulsed by the very idea of being near one, but this was a desperate situation. The two guardians were powerless against this new foe, and Sarah indeed wanted to see him again.  
  
"Even if Yen Sid isn't here, we have some amount of safety in this room. If Yen Sid can practice whatever experimental magics he has in here and expect to be safe, maybe so can we."  
  
Casey looked at Sarah, unconvinced. She could tell Sarah wasn't either.  
  
"Let's give it a try," she put her hands on the lens. "I hate this…" she mumbled.  
  
Casey joined her, and both offered up their powers to channel the board into contacting Darius. "What do we say?" she asked.  
  
"I dunno," Sarah continued mumbling. "I've never heard of Ouija boards being used like this, but if I concentrate on his image enough, maybe I can link to-" Sarah was suddenly interrupted by a low, ghastly sound echoing in close proximity to them. "The fuck was that?" she said in a tiny voice. "Darius? Was that you?"  
  
Silence. Then the sound was heard again, now obviously emanating from the board. Casey backed away, and Sarah did the same.  
  
"What was that?!" Casey exclaimed.  
  
"D-Darius?" Sarah asked, now visibly shaken and worried. "That didn't sound like him!"  
  
They starred at the board. The room seemed still, but they could feel an energy of sorts manifesting around the board. It was working, but they weren't sure if that "it" was what they wanted. All they could do was sit back in shock as they felt a powerful presence before them and begin to create a shape made of light.  
  
"Darius?" Sarah asked again. "Please be you."  
  
The shape took the form of figure. A figure larger and bulkier than Darius.  
  
_'Oh god, it's a worse demon!_ ' Sarah thought.  
  
Suddenly, the identity of the figure was made clear, and it was not who either of the girls could have expected. A shorter man stood before them, red-haired, and dressed in green. But oddly enough… he was _incredibly_ muscular. It was none other than…!  
  
Casey quiet sputtered. "Qu-Qua-…?"  
  
" _BUFF QUASIMODO!?_ " Sarah yelled in disbelief.  
  
Sure enough. It was the man that all French men are told to fear; the one who they were warned that if they didn't lock away their wives and daughters at night, they would leave upon the midnight tolling of the bell, to enter the cathedral and exit, not as the women who entered, but as women who have seen the promised land, entranced and now indifferent to the city around them. It was he who, despite his small stature, towered with intimidation over the women, as he starred blankly with a look of sober determination on his face.  
  
"We were supposed to contact _my_ boyfriend, not _yours!_ " Sarah called to Casey.  
  
"I thought so too!" she replied.  
  
"I… don't think I'm supposed to be here," Buff Quasimodo said shyly but stiffly.  
  
"Well, no, but this works," Sarah, relived, brought herself to her feet. "At least, you're not a horrible demon."  
  
"That's where you're mistaken!" another voice broke through the veil of the board.  
  
"No! He's here!" Buff Quasi said.  
  
"Who?" Casey asked.  
  
Another figure burst from the board and appeared beside Quasimodo; the triangular tyrant, himself.  
  
"Toppa the mornin' to ya, _ladies!_ " greeted the unholy pyramid demon, Bill Cipher.  
  
"Oh no… Not _you!_ " Sarah whined.  
  
"Yes me! And my slave of Notre Dame too!" he laughed wickedly. "How convenient of you girls to open a portal to exactly right where you're located, so I could find you! Of course it's not like I couldn't do it myself, but isn't it nice when people do things for you?"  
  
"What do you want?!" Casey angrily asked.  
  
"Not much. Just your powers," he causally answered. "You guys remember my daughter Lady Azare, don't you? She's not necessarily complete, so I want to give her some good creation powers to get her going in life. I know it's not a lot, but your powers will help get her started in her conquest for cleansing humanity."  
  
"Wai, wai, wai, wait. Let me get this straight here," Sarah digressed. "Who actually is Azare daughter to? You, God, or Slenderman? It can't be all three. And who's her mom?!"  
  
"Haven't you heard of a three-way, sister?" the triforce of Frito-Lay replied. "God and I did most of the work, on top, and Slenderman was on the bottom with-"  
  
"I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THAT!"  
  
"Whatever. You're limited intellect couldn't comprehend what we had to go through to make Jesus 2.0. It'll be much simpler if you hand over your powers and died. Azare will make sure your souls are saved."  
  
"No way!" shouted Casey, joining Sarah in confronting him.  
  
"Then just die! _Then,_ I'll take your powers! Quasimodo!" Bill commanded. "Let's make this as horrible for them as possible! Grab them!"  
  
"No, master! I can't!"  
  
"I _am_ the master, and you're the puppet. So yes, _you can!_ " Bill snapped his fingers and all of Buff Quasimodo's free will was eliminated.  
  
"No! Quasi!" Casey cried.  
  
Bill Cipher directed Buff Quasimodo towards the guardians. Their friend was now hulking mass of doing them a fright. They screamed and ran. They couldn't hope to defeat Bill's powers or use their magic on their friend. They made it pass the front door, but didn't know where to run after that. Suddenly, a car pulled in front of them. It was a Fisker Karma S hard-top convertible plug-in hybrid. The driver-side window rolled down to reveal a man whose angular jaw and chiseledness was only rivaled by that of Quasimodo.  
  
"BUFF TERRA?!" The women yelled in shock.  
  
"Come with me if you want to live," he said.  
  
Without question, the girls jumped into the car. Xehanort was in the passenger seat, eating Cheez-Its. The car took off and flew away from the tower, leaving Quasiswoldo and the geometrically-sound nacho cyclops behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Art From:  
> https://www.deviantart.com/xsweetslayerx/art/Buffin-it-Out-459789887


End file.
